Perfectly Authentic...Yeah Right!

I have the privilege to be participating in my very first on-line Bible study. Though it began last week today is my first post and I will post every Tuesday throughout the study. This study is being hosted by Leila at Write From the Heart. The book was written by Lisa Whittle.

The first chapter entitled 'The Truth Hurts' deals with authenticity. One definition of authentic is 'not an imitation'. I like that. We are not to be an imitation. We are created individually in the image of God NOT in the image of The Jones, Suzie Cutzie, Betty Beauty or Sandy Saint.

Have I failed in this area of trying to portray someone who I was not created to be? Yes, unfortunately and yes it does hurt to look in the mirror and be confronted with such lies. Has it happened more than once in my nearly 50 year life, again a resounding yes! It seems in my life imitation occurs when I am feeling insecure about who I really am. I don't know why I just feel that way at times. The saddest part about imitating someone else is that I am then turning my back on my creator and who He intended me to be. That is where the hurt comes in. I close my eyes as I type this and attempt to look into the eyes of God and feel His heart.

Amazingly enough in the midst of typing this post, I just received a phone call from the credit card fraud department of Chase Bank. It seems someone attempted to 'imitate' my son and use his card number for internet purchases today. My skin began to crawl, my face turned red, I felt anger well up within me. How dare anyone do such a thing to my son? Hmmm! Do you think God was trying to tell ME something? I wonder how He feels whenever I attempt to assume the identity of someone else? Ouch! Yes, 'The Truth Hurts".

The second chapter is entitled 'Ms Perfection'. I don't really need to write much about this chapter since several of my more recent posts have dealt with this very problem. You see, I am a recovering perfectionist. I believe I will be recovering for the rest of my days. I have formed bad habits that must be broken. Lisa's section on the perfect package was great. The do it all, be it all perfect little package, only thing is one day God ripped open the outside and all the contents came pouring out.

In my younger days I felt that if everything looked perfect on the outside then nobody would know how much I was hurting on the inside. I was abused as a child in many ugly ways but I wanted people to think I had a perfect life. So, I wore the best clothes, kept my hair and nails looking great and made sure my physical body was svelte and toned. As I became a wife and mom I made sure everyone 'saw' the perfect little family. Everything Lisa spoke about in this chapter fit me like a glove. I looked the part of the perfect wife, mom, and Christian or so I thought.

Trying to be someone I was not meant to be and attempting to be perfect led to a life of stress, depression and at one point, many years ago as a very young mom, an attempt to take my own life which ended in a 30 day hospital stay. I hated my 'perfect little family life' but untimately I hated myself. And, yes, I was a Jesus loving, God fearing, 'Church' serving Christian at the time. That is when I finally began to look at the inside contents of the beautifully wrapped package I had created. It is when I began to allow God to painstakingly unveil, piece by piece, the brokenness of the soul within.

During the past 17+ years since the unwrapping of my life, I have learned so much about who God is and who He created me to be. Piece by broken piece God is putting my heart back together again ~ HIS WAY! Forgivenness, trust, compassion, mercy, grace, and love are just a few of His characteristice in which He has been developing in me. Dear friends, I am not there yet. Daily I am reminded of my desire for a sense of 'belonging' and it is in those moments that God speaks to my heart. He whispers to keep the package unwrapped. In doing this I allow Him to continue to work and I allow the world to enjoy the contents of the package He created.

Lisa, thank you for wrting this book and sharing it with the world. I am excited at the prospect of having God reveal more about what lies behind these eyes.

Leila, thank you for hosting this on-line study. I am so thankful that I was led to your site and this opportunity.

If you have not purchased you copy of this 'eye opening' book, please go order it at your nearest Christian book store or visit Lisa's website. You will not be disappointed.

Considering It All Joy,

Cindy