It is a pleasure to sit at my computer this evening with tears freely flowing down my cheeks as I prepare to share my heart on the second chapter of Self Talk, Soul Talk written by Jennifer Rothschild.Our book study is hosted by Lelia of WriteFromTheHeart so if you would like to join in just check out her blog and link in. The ladies I have met during our Yes To God Tuesdays are absolutely wonderful.
Why is it a pleasure to have tears running down my face? Because a few short months ago I never would have allowed that to happen. Tears were banned from my life for 5 years - the enemy had stolen my joy and my tears. Today the joy is back and the tears flow freely. I am so blessed.
What do tears have to do with renewing my thought closet? Everything!!
My thought closet used to be filled with labels, half truths and rules that must be followed in order to 'be' the 'perfect' Christian leader. One sign that hung in my thought closet was "NO TEARS ALLOWED". No more - I am free.
My thought closet has been going through a cleansing for some time but just when I thought I had every negative thought brought captive into the obedience of Christ ~ WHAM ~ I got hit with trials and those negative thoughts have been bombarding my brain like bombs coming in from every direction.
What happened this week?
Friday, my husband was laid off work. Yikees! So many American's are in the same position. My thoughts were immediately focused on the question: "What are we going to do about insurance?" You see, my husband has had a kidney transplant and his medications are extremely expensive and then there are all those doctor visits and lab fees. It is one thing to cut back on extra expenses but you cannot cut back on medications necessary for the rejection of a kidney. Many of my thoughts have been: I shouldn't have spent money at Christmas, I should have saved more, I should have worked harder, what if we can't afford the meds and he dies, etc.
Now please understand that I trust God to work all things out for His glory and purposes. I believe this is all in His plan and was not a shock to Him. I am just relaying that my thought closet became congested with the negative for a few hours.
Since Friday, we have had major cutbacks at my office. It is very sad when you are the person who needs to make cuts to someone else's life and you start worrying about what they are going to do when you tell them their position has been cut or decreased. It has been an emotional week.
Today, I came home from an extremely long and difficult day at work to find out my oldest son was hit in the eye by some machine at work (don't ask because I don't know) and his cornea has been burned. He has been at the hospital all day and will see an ophthamologist in the morning. The doctors say that he will have permanant damage from the injury. We are praying the God will touch him.
The enemy would like nothing more than for me to just focus on the 'BAD' report and 'BAD' news we have received during the past 5 days.
BUT GOD...
Yes, But God...He is our provider, our healer, and the renewer of our thoughts . He is the one I choose to listen to tonight. He is the one I rest in.
The lies the enemy would have me think about tonight are:
1. You won't get insurance and your husband is going to die.
2. Your son will lose his eyesight
3. Your office will go under and you won't have a job.
4. You are fat, ugly, spend too much money, lazy, selfish, etc, ---fill in the blanks.
Jennifer asks: What Does The Truth Sound Like?
The Word tells me the truth sounds like this:
1. Mark will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. (Psalm 118:17)
2. And by His wounds Andrew's eyes are healed. (Isaiah 53:5b)
3. My God will meet all the needs of our work environment according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19)
4. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Pslam 139:14)
I am fully aware that if I don't stay in God's Word my thought life will just sink into the depths of despair but I also know that by continuing to bask in the beautiful presence of the Lord and His glorious Word ~ my thoughts will become His thoughts!!!
No matter what I face in life I continue to stand on God's Word that teaches me to:
Consider It All Joy,
Cindy
Deep breath, breathing out. GLORY what a week you've had. I'll join you in prayer as He leads. Can you imagine your life if you didn't have Jesus. He is SO creative---we can not imagine how He will provide for your needs. These are scary times---but He is bigger.
ReplyDeleteHey I just realized that my husband is in your town for a couple of days. He went out to do a final punch of a Spring Training facility for some baseball team--we've done a lot of them. He just called and had gone swimming in the outdoor pool, reporting that he actually got a little warm as he walked all over the job site today. And here we are in the single digits.
Anyway, back to your post---so glad the cleansing tears can flow. Oh how the past decisions can weigh us down. Who knows if you did what you were supposed to with Christmas money spending...but it is over and done with and God knows that. I love that He is so forgiving when we do over spend and still provides ...sometimes not as we hope or expect BUT He will take care of all. keep breathing out, eyes on the throne!
Cindy, I'll be praying for your concerns. My husband still has his job so far but it is at risk but I choose to thank God that he still has a job. Fear is a weapon of the enemy but as scripture says, perfect love casts out fear. God inhabits the praise of his people! Praying for you to be blessed today...
ReplyDeleteCindy,
ReplyDeleteWhat an inspiration you are. You are praising God through all of this.
My friend, I am praying for you.
I have just been amazed as I read each of the Yes to God posts how He has chosen this study at just the right time for so many.
Bless you, Dear one.
Awe... thanks for sharing! We need God's Spirit so desperately to keep our minds in His peace and truth.
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful we serve an Awesome God. Aren't you?
Just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYour strength through tough times like these is an inspiration and a testiment to your faith in God! He can and He will!!
Cindy, I am praying for you!!! I know it is hard going through these tough moments...but I always try to remind myself that this is no suprise to God...He is still in control! big HUGS!!! to you!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, is that a lot to deal with all at one time. I agree things tend to snowball especially in our thoughts if we let them. I love the fact that you are admitting to those thoughts and not pretending you are always solidly grounded. I love the realness of your words, thoughts and actions. I will keep you in my prayers I look forward to hear all those obstacles becoming testimony in your life and your families lives.
ReplyDeleteMany blessings,
Ronel
You have no idea how much I needed to hear these words right now. What a blessing that you chose to write them today. I am reminded of God's faithfulness as I too struggle with the fact that my husband has been jobless for almost 2 months now. Part of me screams, "but, we need money to live! To pay the mortgage, to pay for insurance!" It is hard, no doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteBut, just like you wrote, God is our Provider. Money fails us...jobs fail us...God does not fail us.
I too have to keep going to God's Word to be reminded of this truth, otherwise I will just crumble.
So, thank you for sharing your heart and your story with us.
I will keep your husband (for another job soon!!) and your son (for healing of his eyes!!) and you (for peace, trust, joy!!) in my prayers.
Blessings to you,
Hilary
Okay...now I have tears my friend! I love what God is doing in your life Cindy. I am doing a post on our enemy this week as God showed me some incredible stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman of God and He is setting you up to be used in a mightily way by Him for His glory. Fall into His arms as the water is rough and enjoy the ride as He makes it all work out. We serve a God of the impossible. 1 Chron. 20...the battle is the Lord's!!
love ya,
Lelia
Praise be to God for all He has done in your life. I am blessed to read and watch.
ReplyDeleteI've been in your shoes, to a degree... husband let go at a job, no money, no insurance, five kids....
I had no clue how it would work out. Papa God kept saying to me, "stay in today with me and trust me with tomorrow." So I chose that moment by moment. Each and every need was covered.
But it's hard not to fear...wonder, speculate, try to see tomorrow's provision in today's problems, etc...
I know He has you all and will do exceedingly, abundantly above all you could ask or imagine... It's just who He is.
Thanks for sharing with us!
God bless you for your honesty, Cindy. I agree tears are a good mode for cleaning our thought closets. Every now and then, I'll rent a tearjerker movie just to make sure things keep flowing. Satan is a master liar, leaving all of us wondering, "What if I had. . ." and "I should have. . ." I have a friend who says, "Just for today, I'm not going to "shoulda" on myself. Thanks for permission to be human when the going gets rough!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Cindy. I think it's natural for us to instantly have those worrying thoughts. We know God will take care of us and everything but our flesh wants control and wants to be able to "see" what will happen so we can "help" it along.
ReplyDeleteI love how you took your worries in a list and then took the truth (with scriptures).
Like He tells us worrying will not add to our days. Tomorrow has enough worry for itself.
I'm SO glad you are crying. :-)smiles
Love
Paula
Wow, Cindy! What a week and I LOVE, LOVE the end to your post, where you confess the lies and speak the truth. Your closet looks cleaner from here!
ReplyDeletePrayers for you, dear Friend.
Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteCindy
My goodness, my friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you for keeping your eyes where they belong...on Jesus!
We got word today that we were rejected for the loan assistance program for our bad mortgage....but I just told Cliff....let's appeal..and what's the worst thing that can happen? We'll lose our house like lots of people...oh well. I'm done worrying about it.
Cindy I'm praising the Lord for you right now and for the tears that you are flowing. Finally Free that's whats going through my mind.
ReplyDeleteI love how open you are, and how you admit to the old thoughts and then shared the thoughts that the Lord has for you.
I will continue to pray for you, your husbands job, the healing of your sons eye, and for Joy in the midst of trial. I have a friend who suffers with MS, her and her husband are such an inspiration. She always tells me God always wins, and it's so true. They have never been without even in the times when they should have been. God is covering your home right now and He's going to do some really cool things.
Lot's of love and prayers your way. And a big (((((hug)))) too.
Love ya,
Carol
Oh my, Cindy! You have had to deal with too much for one week! Bless you for being able to have such a faithful spirit and "consider it all joy"!
ReplyDeleteI love Jennifer Rothschild! I know what you mean about our thought life getting out of whack. We need to replace the lies with the Truth. But when things like this happen, it gets scary. I've been going through some very difficult problems too and it's so easy to get depressed. Today I took my husband's coins and sold them and got enough money for a house payment! Thank the Lord!
ReplyDeleteI have experienced thoughts being closer in line with the truth, and then having set backs, also. It's awesome the way you replaced the negative thoughts to be in line with God's Word.
ReplyDeleteI will pray as God leads, too.
Wow, Cindy...
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open here... and praise God for the tears... I remember your struggle from the last study! Oh, know that I am praying for you... even though i got to this post late.
You are so right that if we don't soak in His word we will sink in despair. I have been having vivid reminders of that all week. ALL WEEK!!! Every morning when I get up, all throughout the day, continuous testing to see if I really am going to stand on the Word at all times. And every time, God has given me scripture... either scripture memory, or my bible opens to (or is open to) something... it's amazing.
God is faithful and He will deliver us... sometimes in the most unlikely ways.
Love you,
Heather