The Day That Changed Our Family!

It was just an ordinary day in March 2003. Hubby hadn't been feeling well and doctors were having a hard time controlling his blood pressure. But we didn't expect to find anything wrong when the angiogram was done. And in fact, the results were perfect. But why then was his blood pressure not responding to the medications?

Dr. W. would not let hubby leave the out patient area until one final test was performed. We were NOT expecting the result. Potassium level at 7.9, Creatinine over 5.0 and the journey began.

Even as I sit here at my desk 7 years later the wave of emotions floods my soul. Fear gripped my heart and the next days seemed a blur. I remember making a decision not to cry and saying to God, "I trust you to get us through this".

Hubby was admitted to the hospital for more tests and then we awaited the results. When we finally sat in the doctors office the only words I really recall were: Complete kidney failure, you are too young, you need a transplant, dialysis!

We went to church three days later and with hands raised to God laid it all on the altar. We trusted God and knew He had a plan and would walk us through every step of the journey. God in return picked us up and carried us when we truly did not have to strength to carry ourselves.

The roller coaster ride of events, doctors, tests, hospitalizations, surgeries, illnesses and emotions had just begun. The medical story can be read here.

Tonight I write to thank God for carrying us through the journey. He never let us go. As I said before there was a day I felt God pick us up and carry us and then I do remember a day when He set us down again and walked with us. I am so grateful to a God who knows how to carry and how to walk with.

I didn't have the opportunity to write my Friday Night Five last night so I will do so here.


Tonight I am grateful for:


1) 7 years that I feared would not happen. In those early days of hubby's illness I would watch him sleep and just make sure he was breathing. Some nights when he was in the hospital I wasn't even sure I would see him in the morning. He was so very ill.

2) A quiet day and dinner outside with him and one of our boys.

3) A God who does not forget His promises.

4) Treatment plans ~ though End Stage Renal Failure is a terminal disease, there are treatment plans which have given us time together.

5) Adoption and the story that brought to our family.

These days are different for us. Hubby is on disability and is unable to maintain full time employment. He is frail and weak. (He probably wouldn't want me to say that) but reality is that he is fragile. His skin bleeds if you touch it, he has constant edema, he lives in constant pain, and the side effects of immunosuppressant's (about 25 pills daily) are well, awful.

I wish I could change it for him but I can't. All I can do is be thankful for the time we have had and pray for the days ahead.

We have learned to live for today and enjoy the time we have together. My soul continues to be a rollercoaster of emotions and tears are always well hidden behind my eyes. I did cry once during those first 6 months but was ridiculed for it so have never really been able to cry since. Maybe someday!

When you walk through and live with a terminal illness it changes you and your family. We are different people but I hope that means we are more real, genuine, vulnerable, open, loving, kind and accepting of faults. I pray that we are a reflection of God's love and a witness to others. People still ask us how we do it and I still reply 'we don't ~ God does'. My heart breaks for others who walk through trials without God, I just don't know how they make it.

It is possible that tonight I am just rambling and making no sense. I just feel such a sense of gratefulness to be in this place after all we have been through. This short post could never reflect my heart tonight but only give you a tiny glimpse of the reality which is our life.

Considering This Life with JOY,
Cindy

Friday Night Five #6

Oh how I LOVE Friday nights!

I usually get off work a little early and have time to actually enjoy an evening at home. Mark and I are not much for going out so we just have a quiet dinner and maybe watch a little TV or spend some time on the computer or crafting of some sort.

But also on Friday night I have the pleasure of sharing just a few things I am thankful for and this week I just can't seem to make up my mind because I have so many things to share.

So, I'll just start with these five favorites:

1) If you read yesterday's blog post you will know that I am most definitely thankful for my precious little granddaughter and the ability to spend the whole day with her. I realize that many people do not live near their grandchildren and I am thankful that our kids live so close to us.

2) I am so thankful for this precious little one due mid-September:

Can you see those tiny little feetsies? Just amazing at 12 weeks 5 days.

3) Tonight I am so thankful for the beautiful weather in AZ ~ Doors wide open and birds chirping outside ~ BBQ going ~ Spring starts in just a few hours ~ such a hope filled time of year!!

4) Everybody in our household is healthy today. For that I am TRULY grateful!

5) I am sitting here looking at a picture of our World Vision sponsored child from Uganda knowing that soon he will receive a package from us that will bring a smile to his sweet little face. Wish I could see and hold him some day:)

What are you thankful for today? I'd love to hear from you. It is so encouraging hearing all the wonderful things God is doing everyday.

Tonight my husband and I were listening to the news and I got up and said: "This is why I never watch the news ~ it is all negative and so depressing".

Tonight let's encourage each other with GOD news!!!

Considering Thankfulness with Great JOY,

Cindy

A Blessed Day in Pictures...

My fabulous day with my granddaughter started here

At the Silver Lining Barn waiting to ride

Spencer

And then we got to go here

To see my beautiful 17 week pregnant niece and her kiddos

And so Kori could have lunch and play with her cousins

Gabbs and Kori eating and playing

with Zach in the background

Then we got to go here

To do a little shopping

Because...

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

And then...

We had to go here...

(This is where I work)

Because Kori needed this

Let's just say OUCH!!!

So, I needed to take her here

Because she DESERVED this

After that we went to her house

Because we needed to clean this

and this...

before mommy came home so we could do this

and this
(13 weeks ~ 4 days)

And by that time

Nana was exhausted

So she looked like this...

Would I trade a moment of it for the world?

Not a chance!!!

One of the best days of my life.

Thank you Miss Kori for a blessed day:)

Considering Spending Time with My Kori Joyful,

Cindy

BTW: I did eat pizza, had soda and ate ice cream with reece's peanut butter cups! AND...I enjoyed every mouthful BUT I'm no feeling so well tonight. I guess I really DO need to stay away from sugar and simple carbs:(

Making Sense

Welcome to my blog ~ Thanks for stopping by!

Having the 'perfectionist' syndrome that I seem to have (haha) I always want things to 'make sense'. I would prefer to have answers and my plan all laid out before me with clear understanding of what lies ahead. Sometimes I wonder why God can't or won't just tell us what His plan is so we know what to do next.

However, as I look back at some recent events in my life I can see where God really was attempting to tell me something yet I was not listening. Hmmm ... How often do I do that?

If you have been reading this blog recently you know that I have been diagnosed with a pre-diabetic condition and have had to eliminate ALL sugar from my diet (yuck). How could something like that just happen one day?

Well, as I look back, it really didn't just happen.

On February 22 I wrote this on Facebook:

"Why is it that every time I eat I feel nauseated?

I wonder if someone is trying to tell me to quit eating!"

Do you think it was coincidence that only a couple weeks later I received this new diagnosis? I don't! I believe God was attempting to tell me something and I wasn't really listening.

My body was being poisoned with all the sugar I was ingesting and it was trying to get my attention.

Do you think it was just coincidence that I happened to have my labs drawn just because right when my A1C was out of control? I don't!

Things are making sense!

I believe with everything in me that God does tell us about our future but we fail to listen to His still, small voice.

There have been numerous times in my life that God was showing me the path set before me, His plan, what lay ahead, yet in my fleshly stubbornness I failed to see it.

Do I think He tells us everything about our future? NO! Do I believe HE leads us, guides us, directs us, speaks to us, nudges us and prepares us toward and for things ahead? YES!!!

"In your unfailing love, O Lord, you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:4-5

I pray that you hear the still, small voice of your Jesus speaking to your heart about the future He has planned for you. Can you hear Him speak? Are you able to open the ears of your heart and just listen? Right now, can you just hear Him whisper He loves you and has a perfect plan for your life?


My heart rejoices as I type these words! Jesus Loves You So Much and He has plans He wants to tell you about. Will you listen?

Considering Listening with Joy,
Cindy

Friday Night Five #5

Would you not agree that being thankful is a matter of choice?

Every day we get up and make a choice whether we will be happy, grumpy, sad, joyful, angry, cheerful, resentful, or any one of many other moods. It is also true that each day we make a choice to be thankful or not.

I choose thankfulness!

And so, as with each Friday evening, I come home

think about my week and share just a few

of the many things that I have to be thankful for.

Tonight however, I am going to focus my thankfulness on one family.

1) This beautiful couple have known each other for 15 years.

God set a plan in motion and I am grateful for that plan.

2) This beautiful couple had a child together nearly 6 years ago.

I am eternally grateful for her.

3) This beautiful couple went their separate ways and it was very

difficult but I continue to be grateful for God's plans.

Because:

4) This beautiful couple became a real family December 5, 2009.

And Now...

5) This beautiful family is going to have another baby and

we all got to see her on ultrasound today

and she is perfect in every way.

(Well, at 12 weeks, 5 days they 'think' it is a she)

Considering Family With Great Joy

And Thankfulness,

Cindy

Why Not Horses!

Standing

Watching

Wondering

Rejoicing

This morning as I was standing and watching my son ride Coco,

I began wondering about a

question I was recently asked and began rejoicing in the answer.

The question:

"Why do you spend so much time and money letting your son ride horses?"

The answer:

Do you see that face?

He LOVES it!

When this little guy came into our lives at 4 months old

His life prognosis was 1 year.

24 years later ...

Where would you place your priorities when God gives you a blessing?

So now, when I am asked 'WHY' horses?

My response is:

Why NOT Horses!!

Considering Horse Riding With Joy,

Cindy

"For A Purpose"

A few of you may remember this post I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it was the post I didn't want to write but felt the need to do so. Well, I believe, as He always does, God was preparing my heart for things to come.

Last week I decided to have some lab work done just because.

It amazes my when my 'just because' becomes God's 'for a purpose'.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the days of perfection have gone by the way side and now it seems, quite without expectation, the days of perfect lab work have joined. My numbers were not as 'beautiful' as I had previously experienced or hoped for.

Sitting across the desk from a friend and employer who also happens to be a doctor with nothing but lab results between us sends chills down your spine especially when you know what those labs results are.

Oh, I didn't worry too much about the ever inching higher cholesterol or LDL, no, not me. But it was the A1C that made my heart skip a beat or two.

A1C ~ This is the best measurement of our blood glucose control that we have now. It tells us what percentage of our hemoglobin -- the protein in our red blood cells that carry oxygen -- has glucose sticking to it. This number measures blood glucose for the most recent 2-3 month period of time. The less glucose that remains in our bloodstream rather than going to work in the cells that need it the better we feel now and the better our health will continue to be.

It seems that glucose has decided to remain in my bloodstream rather than going to work. Hmmm...Sometimes I'd rather remain in bed rather than go to work...but that is a different story. Anyway, my A1C was surprisingly high and I am a person now on the verge of outright diabetes. Yuck, I don't like that thought or those words.

In light of these new numbers that previous post needs to have some action placed behind it. I can no longer just want to lose weight now I must take more care over my sugar intake and make it a matter of health rather than vanity.

I have been working hard at looking at my eating habits and attempting to make huge changes. I didn't eat any sugar over the weekend with the exception of one sprite. No chocolate, cookies, or any other sweet treats. I was careful with carbs and limited my fruit intake. My fasting blood sugar was 115 (down from the 130's) this morning, not too bad but certainly not where it needs to be (under 100).

So, changes a plenty over the next days, weeks and months as I seek wisdom, advise and lots of encouragement.

I feel like I need to stand up and say: Hi, my name is Cindy and I am a sugarholic and an emotional eater! This is an addiction that will not be easy to break but thankfully I know:

"I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me (I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency). Philippians 4:13 AMP

There you have it, I am joining the ranks of a few friends and thousand across our great country whose A1C levels are too high and must focus on health.

Continuing to Consider All Things With Joy,

Cindy

Friday Night Five #4

Hello Bloggy Buddies and Welcome to Friday Night Five!

There are days when I feel tired, down and discouraged.

There are days when I feel hopeless and weak.

There are days when I just plain feel worthless.

But there are NEVER days when I can't look around at my surroundings and find things to be thankful for. Friday nights are when I like to share a few of my favorite 'Thankfuls' for the week.

1) - First, I must say that I absolutely LOVE Friday nights. I get to come home, put my jammies on, enjoy some well deserved computer time, and just relax. I probably add this one EVERY Friday night, but it is such a treat after LONG work weeks!!!

2) - I am especially grateful that today was a wonderful glycemic day! Does that make sense to anybody? I was able to eat healthy and keep my sugars in balance ALL day. I didn't binge on chocolate or sugar of any kind, not even one soda. Now, I must still stay focused through dinner and not eat dessert but I'm almost through one day:)

3) - I am not only thankful but also extremely excited and proud that our youngest son tried out and made it on to the Advanced Horse Show Team. Yes, it means more practice time, more money and more travel but if you knew this very special young man you too would be just as proud a peacock as I am. Congrats Matthew:)

4) - Gratefulness for many things at work is always present in my life, but today I am praising God for meeting a specific need in a huge way!!! It was kind-of funny because when I found out I yelled 'Praise God' right in the middle of the office ~ Oh well, He DOES deserve the Glory:)

5) - And tonight as I sit at my home office desk, I am grateful to be able to look out my west facing window and view an absolutely beautiful sunset in Phoenix, AZ.

Tonight, look around you! What do you see? I'm sure, like myself there are things you wish were different about your life, but what can you be grateful for tonight? What can you thank God for? What small miracle is happening in your world tonight?

Can you share it with us? Can you share it with a friend? Can you reach beyond your pain tonight and find some wonderful glimpse of Hope for tomorrow?

I know I needed to do just that tonight and I feel better already:)

Praising God and Considering Being Thankful with Great JOY!!!!

Cindy