Strong vs Strength

A strong woman works out every day, Pride in her appearance she portrays,

But a woman of strength kneels to pray, Keeping her soul in shape, God leading the way.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything, Looking forward to challenges each day will bring,

Women of strength show courage in the midst of fear, Knowing triumph through faith because the Lord is near.

Strong women won't let anyone get the best of them, So skilled in defense even if they have to pretend,

Yet a woman of strength gives her best to everyone, Knowing she’s anointed with blood from the begotten One.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same for tomorrow, Refusing to take time looking back with reverence and Godly sorrow,

The woman of strength realizes life's mistakes no matter how slim, While thanking God for the blessings as she capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly with no doubt in her mind, Again, no matter what, she’ll not make this mistake a second time,

But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls, So when a situation arises again, she’s not afraid to answer the call.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face, Always doing whatever it takes to finish, seeking only first place,

The woman of strength competes with an emotional sense of grace, Understanding it’s more important to run a Holy Spirit filled race.

A strong woman has faith that for the journey she’ll have enough, No matter how uneven the terrain or roads being rocky and rough,

A woman of strength knows it’s in the journey she will become strong, And the love of God is forever with her, no matter how difficult or long. -

2006 by Luke Easter & Dee Cheeks http://www.lyricsbylucas.com/

I am attempting to allow God to be my strength!

But it is NOT easy for this 'strong' woman!!

Considering Strength with Joy,

Cindy

Intertwined

Intertwined

:to twine about one another

:to become mutually involved

Intertwined between IV lines, NG tubes and Oxygen hoses

There is a man whose life is dependent on

being mutually involved

Not only do the lines, tubes and hoses give life

The recipient must accept such life giving efforts

When a gift is given it is not just the effort of the giver

but also of the receiver

The receiver must reach out and accept the offered gift

As hours and days have turned to weeks and nearly a month

I have watched a life become intertwined

into this life saving effort

Every ounce of energy is spent

being mutually involved

This time has also afforded me the ability to

look at my own life lines

The spiritual ones

Realizing that I am not fully connected

to the giving and receiving of life

has helped me to see why I am so exhausted

I have become so busy 'doing'

all that is required of me

That I have somehow failed

to stay attached

and remain mutually involved

with God.

Yes, I have clung to His Word

Yes, I believe and have Faith

that Mark will be ok

Still and yet, I have found it difficult to pray

Words escape me into an

entanglement of thoughts and

Thoughts fade into a horizon of fog

My spiritual life lines must be

prayer, God's Word, and His voice

To lose even one of these is death

Today, I stop and allow reconnection

to take place

Reaching out to receive

all that God is holding before me

Today I again become

Mutually Involved

In the Giving and Receiving of Life

My prayer for you is that you too

will become mutually involved

In the giving and receiving

of the life God so preciously desires you to have

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, any you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Considering Being Mutually Involved,

Cindy

A Welcome Change of Subject!

In between work and the hospital

I am attempting to fill

life's little moments with

our precious little ones.

Our grandbabies (and their parents)

came to the hospital

to visit their Papa

At home

Grandbabies and Niece

I think I LOVE her :)

Spent Saturday at WestWorld
Son #2 had a horse show
and though it was hard for
both of us to be there without 'daddy'
We made a great day
out of it!


This time he was in the
2' division with (20) rideres
LONG day
Great fun


How could you not want to
honor this 'cute' face?
He so loves being with
the horses and other
riders from our awesome barn

Updates on Mark tonight!

Considering Special Moments with Great Joy,
Cindy

"Fragile"

Fragile:

a : easily broken or destroyed

b : constitutionally delicate : lacking in vigor

Fragile is not a word that has often been used to describe neither myself nor my husband.

It is also not a word we use to describe much of anything in our home.

We tend to keep things simple because we truly Live in our home.

There is one piece in our home that has a bit of a No Touch rule

for the many small children who roam around our home from time to time.

We inherited a beautiful old china cabinet which came from Bodie, California

Bodie is now a State Historic Park but once was a booming Gold Town

on the Eastern Slopes of the High Sierra Mountain.

Bodie was also a town of which hubby's family owned most of

including the mine - WhooHoo - Too bad none of that came to us:)

The china cabinet has traveled with us on our journey through nearly 30 years of marriage and continues to be a very special, yet fragile, reminder of hubby's family heritage.

When little Katie was born a few weeks ago, we thought she was our most fragile little person in our family. Born 3 weeks early and teeny, tiny we protected her from any germs and most little hands, we kept her safe in our arms and made sure she was followed closely. Now she is making great strides in growth and her health is perfect. We adore her (uuhh dah~~).

Today, Fragile has become a word to describe my hubby's health.

He is very ill, more so than any of us want to admit.

In the past 24 hours we have learned that he not only has the Legionella bacteria he also has the pseudomonas bacteria. Each of these on their own in a normally healthy person is treatable yet has a low mortality rate. In a person who is immune-compromised and has Both of these bacteria's growing in their lungs has a Very High Mortality Rate.

Today marks the end of two weeks in the hospital and tomorrow we wake up to the beginning of week number three with the knowledge that if hubby is to recover from this illness he will be hospitalized at least another 2-3 weeks or longer depending on his ability to fight.

Hubby has always been a fighter!! Not in the physical sense but fighting for what he believes in and fighting to stay strong. Through End Stage Renal Failure and a kidney transplant he has remained strong and even went back to full time employment 6 weeks post transplant. He never missed time from work after that nor did he want to be treated any differently than pre-illness.

However, this past summer has taken it's toile on his small framed body and Fragile has become the new description of not only his health but his tiny frame. He is all skin and bones with the exception of the fluid retained in his extremities. His voice is frail, his movements are shaky and his drive to fight is fading.

I believe in the God of Healing!

I believe in the God of Strength!

I believe in the God of Peace!

I believe in the God who protects the weak and covers them with HOPE!!

Today I have to Believe!!!

Considering Believing in A Strong God with Great Joy,

Cindy

Today ~

Today ~ A phone call with the news I didn't want to hear yet I did!

Today ~ More answers than questions.

Today ~ Legionnaires Disease!

Today ~ My heart sank and my body shook.

Today ~ New medications.

Today ~ New protocols.

Today ~ Isolation garb for staff entering the room.

Today ~ Lowering oxygen!

Today ~ No blood transfusions but Epo shots instead.

Today ~ Mixed emotions of fear and peace!

Today ~ Exhaustion times 11 days!!!

Today ~ HOPE!

Today ~ Considering Joy,
Cindy

The Truth is The Truth

So, here I am at the end of day 8 of my husband's hospitalization. Lonely is a word I do not use often but am certainly feeling it tonight. It is difficult to be here with nobody to discuss my questions with.

It seems after 8 days of testing the docs would have some sort of consensus as to the cause of his 'big' pneumonia. Big is what they keep calling it. Double pneumonia with severe on the right side. But as of yet, they have found no bacteria, fungus or mold. No specific cause.

So we press on, holding on to hope of an answer and a medication that will make the 'big' pneumonia go away for good. We have been struggling with this since his hospitalization in June. Nearly four months - no wonder I feel so tired and overwhelmed.

Speaking of me:) Several people have mentioned that they think I am disconnected and they are concerned about me! I love 'em!

Real live honesty is to follow:

7 1/2 years ago when hubby was diagnosed with end stage renal failure and placed on dialysis, I vowed to be strong and trust in the Lord. 6 months after his diagnosis while attending a very intimate/small leadership meeting at our church I broke. Our small group had been meeting for nearly a year on a monthly basis and had become very close. At that meeting I was asked how I was doing and I began to cry. I had been so strong but on this night I just let the 6 months of tears flow. Well, I was rebuked for that and told it was inappropriate to cry. I have really not cried since.

We no longer attend that church but something deep within me went into survival mode and I have lived there ever since. I do not cry nor do I show much emotion. Oh, but I feel it!!! Deep within the recesses of my soul there is enough emotion to fill an ocean more than once.

Am I disconnected? Good question! The answer - NO! I am quite connected, in fact maybe too connected to the pain, fear, exhaustion, loneliness, and concern for our familys' future. But I have 'learned' to be stoic and put on a super brave front. I've attempted at times to break the walls and let some vulnerability show but the tears and worried face do not have room in my over protected front!

But the truth of the matter is that I am a real woman with real concerns and real fears. I am concerned that I may in fact lose my husband to whatever is eating his body. I am concerned as to how to raise and care for my 25 year old disabled son who needs me. I worry about the fact that in November we will no longer have medical insurance. How will we afford hubby's medications let alone all these hospital bills which have now surpassed the 100's of thousands of dollars since June. Insurance covers 50-80% right now but in November we won't have it at all. Do I worry? Yes!

I also carry concerns about my husband's emotional state and making sure he doesn't get depressed. This is not easy on him either. I desire to nuture, care for and love him but mostly all I can do is sit and watch. Watch him sleep, watch him struggle to talk and breath, watch his body waste away, watch, watch, watch.

And because I am real and a woman, there is a part of me that desires to be nurtured, cared for and loved on, yet there is just nobody nor time for that. If it was my child who was ill I'm sure the response of others would be different. But since it is my hubby people just don't respond the same way. Have you ever noticed that? Why is it that when someone has an ill child blogland goes crazy with support or even a woman with cancer yet when a woman's husband is fighting for his life, it's like blogland abandons you! Just askin' - told you - I'm tired and lonely!

Anyway, I am definitely NOT disconnected from the realities of my life. I just don't know how to live any other way except to put on a brave front and trust my Jesus for each and every breath.

Sorry if this was a downer post, but the truth is the truth.

Considering Finding Joy in this Season a Little Tough,
Cindy

Faith...

Living by faith and not by sight is akin to walking on water when you don't know how to swim.

You just trust!! And today we continue to live by faith even when we cannot see the results we would like to see.

As we are sojourners in this new season we ask our God to open our hearts to all He desires for us to learn. This is a place not of our choosing but of God's plan and we know the investment in our relationships both with each other and with God will be better for this season.

After an entire week of hospitalization there are more questions than answers. Doctor's have found more things wrong than right but we live by Faith!

For many years I have said my family motto is:

"Through it All: FAITH"

Well, today I live, breath and walk that motto!

I think I need to make a house sign!

I thank each of you

Family

Friends

and Others

for your continued prayer support!

I cannot do this alone!

Considering It All Joy,

Cindy

In This Season...

Have you noticed that many of us are blogging about season's. I suppose when the weather changes it makes us contemplate our life changes as well. God has been leading me through a change of season's for a while now but I have this incredible way of avoiding or being rebellious when it comes to a change in season that isn't of my choosing.

So in tonight's post, maybe due to exhaustion, vulnerability will surface and I will share my heart.

Three and a half years ago when I opted to resign my positions and we withdrew our membership from the church we had attended for 11 years, I honestly didn't realize the all encompassing changes our family would experience. I believed that after a time of rest we would settle into a new church and pick up where we left off in ministry and beyond.

We have been blessed and settled into a sweet little church where we are quite happy and believe God placed us there. As far as ministry goes though, I tried, and tried, and tried. I attempted to lead a couple different ministries but my heart just never would follow my actions.

Ministry in the church has always been extremely important to me. There have been times when it was more important than family or anything else (yes, I know that is wrong). Nonetheless, that is the way it was.

Today, I see change on the horizon. A change that God has been attempting to help me grasp for some time. You see, it is a new season in my life and I think I am finally ready to not only accept that change but also embrace it.

God has asked me to 'come home'. To minister to my family and walk in His ways with them. My heart wants to minister to the world, write books and be a public speaker but God's heart wants me to live out my faith to my family in this season.

I have dreams and visions of greatness! Sometimes I think God has fun laughing at my silliness! But for now He is not laughing, He is just asking. Cindy, are you willing to be obedient to my heart and minister to your family in this season? I am finally saying: YES, Lord!

So, in this season I am ready to obey the voice of the Lord and not question my future.

In this season I will rise up tomorrow morning and finish removing all the brick in front of the house in order to meet HOA requirements.

In this season I will paint the trim of our home within the next 8 days to meet the requirements of the HOA.

In this season I will spend as much time as possible at the hospital ministering and visiting with my husband.

In this season I will pray and trust God as to how to meet the needs of #2 son and his equestrian commitments.

In this season I will believe that God has my life in His hands and sees the entire picture not just the few pieces I hold in my hand.

In this season I accept that God really does have a plan and today His purpose is being revealed.

In this season I will help #1 son, DIL and two beautiful granddaughter's get ready to move and bond in their new lives as a family of 4.

In this season I will rejoice in laundry, dirty dishes, vacuuming and even cleaning bathrooms. (Can't believe I just wrote that - HA)

In this season I will remember my blog title: Consider It All Joy. God has a reason for making James my favorite book.

In this season I will remember that my blog is just an outlet to journal, keep track of life's joys and struggles, and family events. It is not a place to get kudos and accolades from anonymous visitors to feed my ego. (Although, at this time I really could use some of that - HAHA)

In this season I think my heart is finally catching up with God's.

In this season I am 'coming home' to my family and I believe It Is About Time.

Considering God's Voice Peaceful,
Cindy

In The Center...

There has been some controversy as to the exact center of God's word.

Some say it is Psalm 118:8

"It is better to trust and take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in man."

Other's say it is Psalm 117 (the middle chapter)

"Praise the Lord, all you nations! Praise Him all you people! For His mercy and loving-kindness are great toward us, and the truth and faithfulness of the Lord endure forever. Praise the Lord."

Still other's say it is Psalm 103:1 and Psalm 103:2

"Bless the Lord, O My soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits."

I say

After reading each of the above verses

It doesn't matter which one is the center since they all direct us to

focusing on the Lord and Him only

So today instead of contemplating which is the center verse

I CHOOSE TO MAKE SURE

HE IS MY CENTER

With Joy,

Cindy