I would be untruthful if I told you that I am doing well these days and weeks after Mark's death. I would also be untruthful if I told you it was easy to go to church and worship my creator. Truth be told, it is unbelievably difficult to do such! Spending time in church, attempting to plaster on a smile and make like everything is ok is hard enough, but singing and lifting my hands in praise and worship of my creator just now is nearly impossible.
In these painful days every movement needs to be thought out and forcibly made. Nothing comes naturally anymore. Every function is a chore! Some days are a little easier than others, but each is painfully hard.
Today was no different! In fact the migraine that consumed my head caused me near embarrassment in the grocery store as I had to sit down and ask my son to go get medication for me and a cup of water. I was sweaty, pale as a ghost and ready to puke my guts out! Fortunately, I was able to calm down, get the pain under some control and make it home before I passed out!
However, I have to admit that God is giving me moments to cherish and today I also had one of those! During worship service at church today, in my attempt to move beyond my feelings and worship God, I received a sweet vision of my hubby. No, I didn't see anything real; it was just a picture in my head, a knowing in my spirit!
The Lord helped to remind me that we are all created to Worship Him! And on this particular morning He showed me how my Mark is standing before God Himself Worshiping! How precious was that picture! My hubby, no pain, no weakness, no inhibitions, standing before His Creator with arms lifted higher than life itself, just worshiping! For just a few moments today, I was able to lift my hands in praise and worship with no pain, no weakness, no inhibitions and Worship my Creator too!
It felt Great!
He Worships ... and so shall I!
Considering Worship With Hope,
Cindy
Such a wonderful blessing to picture your husband worshipping God face to face. I, too, had trouble going to church after I lost my daughter. I remember one Sunday I sat down and tears began to flow. The man sitting in front of me turned around and without out saying a word, just allowed the tears to fall from his eyes, too. In that instant I felt like I was seeing the face of Jesus.
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful you had that sweet moment with the Lord today.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry life is so hard, friend. Let's do lunch again soon. No pretending allowed. Love you.
So glad that the Lord blessed you today and gave you some peace. While not having lost a partner through death, I am learning to cope without my partner of the last 4 years. Long story, but I can relate to a certain extent with how you're feeling. xo
ReplyDeleteHi sweet friend. So glad to see a post from you. I understand. I really do. We have had two deaths recently (one a family member and one a close friend) and we are facing another one. I know it's not the same as losing a husband, but I do understand. I've been thinking of you and praying for you. I hope each day gets a little better than the day before. You are strong. And our God will be there every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kat
Simple, grace-filled moments of peace. May they be more and more your portion as these days collect and gather in this season of grief. You have my prayers.
ReplyDeletepeace~elaine
Time is one of God's tools in grief, I am sure. I hope you don't try to put a time limit on what you are going through. God is right there, and not going to leave you, but He is also going to restore Himself to you in new ways as you journey this road. I pray for your days and nights, that He will hold you close, and He does.
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious gift.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet blessing and in time, a sweet memory. I once dreaded coming to church and you and Mark made it bearable by supporting us through our dark days. Praise God for His mercy,generous and constant.
ReplyDeleteSusan P