And The Doctor Says...

I wish I had a photo to share

Maybe tomorrow

But

The Geneticist Says

Baby Cain # 3

Looks Healthy

They will go back in 5 weeks

For more testing

But for today

Looks Healthy

Is what we wanted to hear

And

It's

A

Girl !!!

SO MUCH

So Much

 To Be

 Thankful For

 A Family

 Who Has

 Surrounded Me

 And My Boys

 Through

The Most

 Difficult Year

 Of Our

 Lives

Thankful

It's Here

One of the many first I have wished I didn't have to face has arrived.

At this moment I am alone in my home.  It is 9:30am, my mom and boys left for breakfast out and I remained home to continue preparing a meal for 21 hungry mouths later today.  The second onion I diced was a doosy and caused a few tears so I decided to step away from the kitchen to write down a few of my thoughts.

Today is the 11 month point since my husband's passing, it's Thanksgiving and son #1's 30th birthday.  In the midst of unspeakable pain there is so much to be thankful for.  A new friend and co-widow asked me to share 10 things I am thankful for which she has shared on her blog here.

Sadness is a portion of my emotions today, yet there is Joy which pulses from my inner most being.  The Joy that only God can create in a heart that has been torn and depleted.  Today, I am grateful for Joy, The Joy of The Lord, It truly IS my strength Today!!!

Please join me in wishing my Andrew a Happy 30th Birthday and now I will get back to the Kitchen before something burns!!! 

A Blessed Thanksgiving to You All!!!!

Preparations

Though the Physical

Preparations are in full swing

 Linens

 Stuffing

 Potatoes and Yams

 20 lb Turkey

 Biscuits

Dessert

There is NOTHING

That can prepare my Heart

For the Ebb and Tide of

Emotions

That will flood my soul tomorrow

My first Thanksgiving since 1979

Without my Beloved

My son's 30th birthday

The 11 month anniversary since

My Beloved's passing

No!

There is NOTHING

That can prepare my heart



A Ride on the Wild Side

Does anybody else live such a wild life as I

At 3am I took a ride to CRMC in one of these

 It seems I was attempting to have a stroke

According to these beauties

 Do you think they put enough of them on

And these are only the ones they left on

After being attached to these

Noting that my blood pressure was 225/150ish

Having two EKG's

A CTscan

2 X-rays

4 tubes of blood drawn

Doctor's determined that I didn't have a stroke

But had a significant elevation of B/P and heart rate

Probably due to

uuummmm...

Forgetting to take my medication

:(

Anyway, My sweet boys came and sat with me at the hospital

Then drove me home in this

Yes,

That is the 'real' me

No makeup, in my jammies and hubby's robe

After several hours in ER

And FREEZING

I had the opportunity to ride in son #1's open air Scout

Yipee!!

What an exciting life I live

I have spent the rest of the day

Alone in my home

My kids gone on with their plans

I snuggled up with these two precious babes

I was so glad I took Mark's robe with me

While in the hospital I realized

It was my first medical event

In more than 30 years

Without him and I began sobbing

I think I made the paramedics a bit uneasy

My lecture:

Take your medications

Stop the Excedrin

Stop the soda

Exercise

Rest

Drink Water

Blah, blah, blah

All I want now is a 20 oz sprite and an Excedrin

I have such a headache :(

Oh well,

That was my Ride on the Wild Side

For Today

Good Night All

I'm off to see if there is anything to eat in This Place

It's Taking Courage

It's taking a heap of courage today

As I begin to pack away all of the cards

And notes I received after Mark's passing

 I would prefer never to put these treasured items away

Yet, it has been nearly a year

And honestly, there will never be a good time

 So today I gathered things up

Put ribbons around the cards

And began placing them in this memory box

I had made a couple of months ago

 I will keep this box close by

Every precious momento will be close at hand

When those days arise

That I just need to feel loved

But it's taken a Heap of Courage

To pack it all away today

All I Wanted To Do...

All I wanted to do

Was rinse out the large recycle bin

It should have only taken a few minutes

 Yet, an hour and a half later

After the recycle bin AND the trash bin

Had been cleaned out

 And

The rocks and potting soil

Had been replaced from 'The Spill'

I finally got everything cleaned up

And put away

Well, at least my trash and recycle items

Will be happy when they are loaded

Into their nice and clean bins

:)

Sea Change, A Novel

Mystery laced with love, tragedy, loss and new beginnings are words that come to mind as I recall the read I just finished.  Sea Change A Novel by the author of Salt, Jeremy Page pulled me in from the first chapter. 

Beckoning me as I read each word, intrigued to understand the circumstance in which they were facing.  But as tragedy and loss claimed a man's mind, the story takes an interesting turn.  Lost in the 'what might have been' yet living in the reality of, Guy begins a written journey of the life he could only hope to have.

As I have lived the past 10 months grieving the loss of my beloved husband, I felt compelled in some ways to befriend Guy as he faced life alone following tragedy and loss.  You lose sight of reality and who you are when faced with life alone after so many years together. Through the written word, Guy attempted to soothe his grief and live the life he dreamed would have been.  At the same time, he journeyed alone in a boat called Flood with very little hope of a new beginning.

I must say that there were moments during this read that were sad and even confusing, yet as I began to feel the heart of Guy, and measure it against my own grief walk, I could understand and even sympathize with him.  

One caution: this book does deal with the death of a child!

You can learn more about Sea Change here and here.

Though I did receive a copy of this book and a small compensation, the thoughts and above review are my own.

Today's Joy

A few things that brought Joy Today

 Finally using part of a gift card

In which I have carried in my purse since February

 Sitting in the back yard

Looking at my new lawn

While wondering if it will ever fully grow

Since I can't keep the doves away

 Green trees

Fall decorations

In the midst of Spring flowers

Yep, This is Phoenix

Sam and Bodie

Keeping me company

While trying to get Rid of a horrible Migraine

Yes, these things brought Joy Today:)

When God Answers

When God answers a prayer

It is seldom in the way we desire

Or the way we think He will answer

Sometimes,

Most of the Time,

Maybe Always,

He surprises us in the Best Ways

This past week
I was burdened down with a heavy decision I needed to make

A decision that wouldn't necessarily change My life

But would or could drastically change son #2's life

I prayed and begged God to make it easier on me

I pleaded for Mark to be here

So he could help ease my pain

I didn't Want to make the decision

I knew I Had to make

I definitely didn't Want to tell my son

What he did not want to hear

His little heart has been so broken

Over the past year

And I didn't want to contribute to his pain

But I knew the answer

Dread enveloped my soul

Pain was written all over my face

I couldn't understand why God wanted me to break my son's heart again

The hours were clicking by

The time had almost arrived

When out of No Where

Came sweet, calm and deliberate

Words from my son's mouth

Mom, I just don't think I should do (...) right now

I think I need to wait a little longer

I need to take more time to think about it

I need to be an adult and wait for the right time

Friends,

God gave me peace about my decision

But NO peace about talking to my son

Yet, HE spoke to my son instead

And gave him peace with the answer

You have no idea what a tender moment that was

When God speaks to your children

And they listen and act on His voice

Mmmmmmm.....heavenly!!!!!

Thank you Dear Lord!

There is Peace in our Home

And,

I actually made dinner two nights in a row

I think that peace has calmed my freatful heart

Tonight's Fare

Homemade

Chicken Vegetable Soup

With Knot Bread

YuMmY 

Becoming Friends

I think these two

Are beginning to become

Good friends

 Bodie is blonde and 10 months

Sam is black and 3 1/2 years

 I hope they are part of my family

For a Very long time

And

I got to spend my day off work

With my Precious K~Bel

She just makes me smile

Did you see this???

Did you see this on the news this morning?

http://www.azcentral.com/community/chandler/articles/2011/11/09/20111109chandler-interstate-10-tanker-fire-abrk.html

I was getting out of my car less than a mile from the accident when it happened.  I heard the explosion and watched it from my office all morning.

My son #2 was evacuated from his class site for the day, fortunately someone drove him home.

Traffic was awful!  Staff members unable to get to work as well as a few patients.

So sad and Very scary!

Yep, that Was my morning!!!!!!

Happy Picnic Faces

Even in the midst

Of Unspeakable Pain

There is Always a way

To Create Joy~filled Memories

Just a few of the moments

I enjoyed at our Church Picnic

Sunday, November 6, 2011