Hello Sweet Friends,
"Consider it all joy, my friends, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
That is the scripture I based my blog on when I started it in 2008, 745 posts ago. Since that time I have striven to find joy in the everyday things of life. I don't always succeed but I do attempt.
However, this week I have struggled to find one moment of joy.
I have been faced with one of the greatest challenges of my life.
Second only to my husband's passing on Christmas Eve 2010.
In 1985 I began praying for an unborn child,
One that was sure to have a challenging life.
There was no way to know, at that time, that Mark and I would end up raising that little child as our own through foster care and later adoption. I've shared previously that he had a fragile prognosis at the time but has thrived in the nearly 30 years we have loved him.
He is kind, compassionate and funny,
Strong-willed, independent and loving.
He has brought joy to my life and I love him dearly
And I Always will
However, 96 hours ago he announced to me
That he wants to be a girl and go through transgender treatment
I am still in Shock
I do not know how to do this
I love him and will always love him
But honestly friends
This is not something I am prepared to accept or support
It goes against everything I believe
It is breaking my momma heart
And I have been Honest with him about this
Why do I share such a private and personal trial?
1. In hopes that you will pray for us.
2. In hopes that there is someone out there who has walked this path and will reach out to this momma.
3. Because someday, when we've walked a bit further down this path, there may be one person who is just hearing those words, whose heart will be broken, who wants to do it right, and who is scared, numb, angry, sad, broken and just needs support.
I am not a victim!!
I am a woman, a momma, a widow who will
Attempt to walk this new path
With grace, dignity, love and somehow find JOY in the midst
I won't always do it right
I will make mistakes
But, with God's grace and guidance
I will do my absolute best
As a Christian and as a Momma
To walk this path and bring Glory to God
In 1985 I began praying for an unborn child,
One that was sure to have a challenging life.
There was no way to know, at that time, that Mark and I would end up raising that little child as our own through foster care and later adoption. I've shared previously that he had a fragile prognosis at the time but has thrived in the nearly 30 years we have loved him.
He is kind, compassionate and funny,
Strong-willed, independent and loving.
He has brought joy to my life and I love him dearly
And I Always will
However, 96 hours ago he announced to me
That he wants to be a girl and go through transgender treatment
I am still in Shock
I do not know how to do this
I love him and will always love him
But honestly friends
This is not something I am prepared to accept or support
It goes against everything I believe
It is breaking my momma heart
And I have been Honest with him about this
Why do I share such a private and personal trial?
1. In hopes that you will pray for us.
2. In hopes that there is someone out there who has walked this path and will reach out to this momma.
3. Because someday, when we've walked a bit further down this path, there may be one person who is just hearing those words, whose heart will be broken, who wants to do it right, and who is scared, numb, angry, sad, broken and just needs support.
I am not a victim!!
I am a woman, a momma, a widow who will
Attempt to walk this new path
With grace, dignity, love and somehow find JOY in the midst
I won't always do it right
I will make mistakes
But, with God's grace and guidance
I will do my absolute best
As a Christian and as a Momma
To walk this path and bring Glory to God
Thank you for allowing me to share
Thank you, in advance, for your prayers
Back to regular postings next week
Blessings
Looking for JOY
Cindy - No words to express how I know your heart is aching. But, he will need your love now more than ever. But, still, so heartbreaking for a Mother.
ReplyDeletePraying for you both.\
Judy
Cindy, it would be a hard thing to hear from your son that you have loved and raised for years. I can only imagine what you are going through. God will help you get through this and you will love him no matter what sex he is. I will pray for you both!
ReplyDeletehugs,
Jann
You have my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHow emotional for the both of you. It's wonderful that he felt comfortable sharing this with you though; he must have known you would love him regardless. To have your child tell you this, as heartbreaking as it may be, shows you have a great bond and trust; you've done a great job raising him. You will need each other now more than ever. I'm sure your strength and faith will get you both through this. ~~Tammy
ReplyDeleteOur oldest grandson is gay. When he first came out, my husband didn't know what to do. He struggled with the news, and how it would affect his beliefs. I told my husband that our grandson was the same young man the day after he told us, as he was the day before. How could our love for him change because his title changed? One day he was straight, the next he was gay.....he was still the same person!! He hadn't changed, just his identity changed. Some situations you might not accept....but you still love the person. My husband tends to drink too much at parties....but I still love him!!! I'm overweight...but he still loves me. We just have to keep things in perspective, and things will be okay. It's not easy...it's a process.
ReplyDeleteDebbie
xo
Cindy,
ReplyDeleteWhile I know your heart is breaking and your son has given you a huge challenge to deal with in your heart please try and remember you saved his life by adopting him and giving him a good life. He was nurtured by you and Mark to be true to who he is. Now he is trusting in you to trust in him. Life is hard and choices are always there that are not easy ones. Right or wrong his choice is ultimately his. I am praying for you for strength as you head into this with him. Hugs and lots of prayers for both of you.
Kris
My God is bigger then all of this. Cindy, your god is bigger then all of this. I pray that as much as you want to act, that instead, you rest in God and are reminded of this. Let his love cover both of you. This sounds like something you will have to release to him, because there may not be any answers. In the mean time...and yes, it must be mean to wait on an answer or help... but I know where that help comes from. Gather up all the love you have and love this baby through another struggle. I truly believe that is why you are in his life. You are so good at loving through the struggle. I am praying.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you both. I cannot advise you as I do not have any experience in this or have known anyone who has made such a change (or am not aware if I have!). I do know many who are gay and I am accepting. One couple I know has been t0gether for 35 years, with total love and devotion. My pastor says we are not the ones who should judge, only he has that power. He has asked us all to be accepting as he was. After all, Jesus did not spend most of his time with those who were perfect or rich or completely devout, but rather with those who needed him--the sick, the poor, the lost, the sinners, the non-believers. They were the ones who needed him most. All I can say is love your son whatever choice he makes.
ReplyDeleteGod be with you both.
Dearest Cindy ~ Jesus, our great God is with you through this part of your journey, just as he has been with you all along. He knows all, he loves you and your son.
ReplyDeleteKeep handling with love and kindness, asking God for strength.
Much love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady
Dear Cindy, I can understand how your heart is hurting and most likely asking many questions. Only God has the answers we seek when we pass through a trial. Your son needs you now more then ever as he goes through his trial as well.
ReplyDeleteTogether you will find a way to let God control the situation. Love with God's grace will always be with you both. Think back when your son was that little boy who needed you. God gave you the peace you needed to see that journey through and HE will do that again now.
Keeping you in my prayers and God to continue to walk by your side. I don't really have the right answers to help, but sometime through the prayers of so many who care about you, the peace will come!!
Sending love and hugs your way. cm
Oh Cindy, my heart and prayers are with you both.
ReplyDelete❤️Ana
Hi Cindy. I've read all the previous comments and the only thing I can think of to add to the list is to ask God for the gift of acceptance of your son's choice. From my own experience in asking for the gift of acceptance in some very painful times, it is not easy to wait for God to give me that gift. But it eventually has always come to me.
ReplyDeleteOh, there's another saying that is coming to me: When God closes one door, He will always open a new one - but that hallway between the two doors can be a tough one.
I know you and your husband and your lovely son will get through this challenge. Prayers are with you from over here in sunny Flagstaff, AZ.
My prayers are with you, Cindy, and your son. I have left more comments in a personal email. I am so impressed with the openness and honesty of some of your commenters. We do know several gays, both in our extended family and close friends.....they all say the same thing, that they did not choose to be gay, they just are.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Carol
Cindy, I write this cold...not taking time to think out what I might say to you. I know this would have to be so hard to take in. You are going to be in my prayers. I know that God doesn't make mistakes...how can we judge,for do we ever know the heart of a person. I just say we never stop loving someone because of change. I know it must be heartbreaking to never see the boy again and there's a woman who takes his place...that person still loves you as momma. Give this to God, as you know you must. May God see you both thru this with loving results. xoxo,Susie
ReplyDeleteI will continue to pray...I just can't image how hard it is for you a this time...
ReplyDeletewarmly,
deb
Cindy, I am going to tell you straight up. I don't know whether we have the same beliefs but I am very sure when I say to you, with love, that this has to be the hardest thing that your son will ever do, and the hardest thing that you will have to accept. He probably has agonized over this decision for his whole life, because he knows how hurtful it will be to you as it would to any parent, but, and this is where we might differ, I don't know, but I do know that he was born this way. It is not something that he takes lightly and it is something that he must need so much support and help with. Cindy, as you and most people know that read my blog, we lost our son some years back. He is dead! I would give any thing to have him here and be able to love him through whatever problems he might have had. I know that you will love him no matter what but, please, support him whenever you can,because it really could be so much worse. I hope I didn't offend you or anyone else who might read this, I just believe so strongly..Judy
ReplyDeleteMy friend, Oh I can only imagine you are so overwhelmed and heartbroken-there is one Who knows your heart and this situation. I have a nephew who was saved at a young age, while staying with me, but for the past 20 or more years has lived in a homosexual lifestyle. It grieved me so, but now I've come to understand more of his choices and although I don't believe in them, I love him and always will. Praying the Lord sends someone to you to comfort you. May His peace, grace and mercy envelop you.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Noreen
Cindy, I can't even imagine what you (and your son) are going through...so many painful emotions! I'm sure that your son knows how much you love and care for him. I pray that God will give you the strength to deal with this and for both of you to get through it and be better for it.
ReplyDeletexo
Susan
Oh Cindy, I am so sorry that I have been away and not here to share your burden. That's what we are called to do, "Carry one another's burdens and there fulfill the law of Christ." No words would bring comfort except God's words. "Cast all your cares upon the Lord, for he cares for you." "The Lord's eyes roam the earth to and fro to comfort those whose hearts are fully committed to him." "Do not fear for I will help you, I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." "You are engraved on the palm of my hand, your walls are ever before me." I don't write these as pat answers to your deep seated pain, but assurance as you already know that God will go with you. Your name is already written on my prayer list. Love you, sweet friend. God will give you peace.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that you will walk this path with dignity as you have done in all life. You are a woman of Faith but that doesn't discount pain. What I lean on more and more are the words when God was about to send Moses to deliver the children of Israel, "I have seen, I have heard, I understand, and I will come." Praying for new strength and wisdom and understanding as you face each day, whatever it brings. I have a cousin who has chosen a lifestyle different from what I believe in. At first, I wanted to turn away, leave her alone as she already felt and then love spoke and I listened. Above all, love will dictate.
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend,
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in equality for all and even though I am Catholic, I do support Gay marriage . I strongly believe that EVERYONE should be allowed to live freely and that ALL people no matter what race, religion ,nationality or sexual orientation should be treated equally and should have the same rights as all of us.
My favorite quote is " It is never too late to be what you might have been"" by George Elliot which is the pen name actually for a woman named Mary Anne Evans.
I feel that this quote definitely sums up what your son is feeling and I hope that you will encourage him to find his true self before it is too late for him. You mentioned that his prognosis was not good but has thrived for 30 years. Please don't deny him the right to be who he truly feels he is before he leaves this earth and moves on to a better place.
Sending love, prayers and support your way!!
Hugs,
Deb
Cindy,
ReplyDeleteMe again! I wrote my first comment before reading all the others which I just did. I read my friend, Judy's comment about the passing of her son. My niece just lost her son because of Suicide. She would do anything to see him and talk to him one more time because they were estranged for 4 years. They would not even let her see his body because he had been dead for 4 days, She would do ANYTHING just to be able to touch and hug him one more time....... So would my sister who was his grandmother. They are heartbroken and filled with so much regret and grief.
You will still have your child to hold and love whether he be a man or a woman...You will still have the child that you raised and loved for 30 years.
My oldest son threatened suicide when he was a teenager because of a girlfriend. We got him the help he needed and he is fine now and I THANK GOD every day that we still have him.
Think about this and think about what your life would be like without him. Wouldn't you much rather have him in his life no matter what? So please support him in the "No Matter What"
Hugs and Love,
Deb
I know your pain, as you are aware, because I, too, have a trans child that I love dearly. I'm here for you anytime you need me. God gave YOU this child for many reasons (as he did mine). We will weather this storm for them and with them and be stronger for it. The greatest lesson I am learning through my journey is the getting past myself (my fears and beliefs and anger and tears ... ) so I can devote my energy to helping my child survive this and be happy - at last. It is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with, also, but it does get easier.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Kellan