Hello Sweet Friends
I know I have been MIA for so many months that I'm not sure anyone is still out there.
It has been a grueling and HARD year for me.
I have not taken care of myself and put all of my energy into taking care of others and other things.
My youngest son has moved into a group home,
that was on February 3rd of this year.
I see him every weekend, take him to dinner and do a bit of shopping for his 'wants'.
He still struggles with not being here,
but he is in the best place for now.
My oldest son moved to Texas on February 10th of this year.
After commuting for several months,
his wife and daughters have now joined him.
I purchased a home for them in Mineral Wells, TX.
I made a quick trip out there in July to sign papers and
help get them settled.
Oh my how I MISS THOSE GIRLS
As I began coming to terms with being an empty nester (alone)
After 33 years of care giving for my special need son
And 10 years of care giving for my late husband
It seems my mom will need extra care and time
I have been taking her to doctor appointments almost every week
We have 2 next week and 2 the following week
There is a possibility that she may come live with me
Sometime in the future (more near than we might like)
But that is a last resort, it depends on what all the test results are
I believe my caretaking days are not over
With all that said and SO SO SO much left out
I am asking for input
In 61 days I will turn 60
As I approached 50 (a decade ago)
My life was so very different and I embraced the change
Planned many fun events and enjoyed life
Today, life is not so fun
I'm extremely tired, worn down and battle depression
To the point I have had serious thoughts that I won't share
My goal is to begin to embrace 60 with Joy
And Hopefulness instead of hopelessness
I want to celebrate the next 60 days in special ways
Here is where YOU come in
I need ideas
Ideas of what small things I can do each day to Love myself
I'm talking things that don't cost a lot of money
And don't take up tons of time (that I don't have)
Here are a few of my own ideas:
A pedicure (I haven't had one in more than a year)
A Vacation DAY for myself and NOT a doctor appointment
(I haven't had one of those in over a year either)
Go see a movie (can't remember that last time I did that)
Finish a Project or two or thirty!!!
Read a magazine - WHAT???
You can see, I have not treated myself with any love,
respect of gentleness
For more than a year,
In fact it is probably more than a decade.
I try very hard to put others needs before myself and
I believe that is good (in general)
But I am 'nearly' at my highest weight ever
Am battling anemia 'again'
Battle depression and would rather pull the covers up over my head
And stay in bed all day, than to get up an leave the house
I am in excruciating pain everyday
I take way too much Excedrin and suffer from insomnia
I MUST make some changes and I want this to be a start
60 Days to 60
What should I do??
So good to see your post appear in my feed! If you had a daughter what would you say to her about treating herself with love - that's a start. Next get yourself a real pen and a real paper journal - start venting in it - just a few minutes every day - it's kid of like a pedicure for the spirit - it will get rid of the "dry skin" and make way for some good stuff to happen! Be totally honest in it and spare no "words" - I believe God is calling you to another level of deep healing and I offer this as a way to start that journey.
ReplyDeleteHI CINDY WE KNOW YOU HAVE GONE THRU ALOT FOR SOME TIME AND WE TALKED AND FELT IF YOU JOINED A GOOD GYM YOU WOULD GET MUCH NEEDED EXERCISE AND MAYBE MEET SOME PEOPLE TO DO OTHER THINGS WITH THAT ARE FUN LOVE YOU AND SENDING A HUG
ReplyDeleteHello Cindy! You’ve had a stressful year! I’m glad you are going to take some time for yourself. Some ideas... read a good book, take a day and thrift shop, find a new recipe and make it, light candles and take a bubble bath, Stay in pajamas and watch Netflix all day😁, invite a friend over for coffee and conversation, take time for your hobbies, maybe do a makeover on one of your rooms in your home, budget friendly of course. It sounds to me like maybe you’ve lost yourself in all the doing for others. It’s so easy to do when you’re overwhelmed with everything going on. I pray your Moms’s health improves and things will settle down a bit so you can breathe! 60 will be fabulous! You deserve it. Happy to see you posting!
ReplyDeleteHugs, Sherry ( formally thrift my house)
Dear, dear Cindy ~ With all that you've gone through and are going through, it's no wonder you've been MIA. I have missed you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with His Sparrow about keeping a journal. I write to Jesus in mine, telling Him my thoughts, etc. it really helps to let things out instead of keeping them inside. Who better to give our worries and troubles to that our Great God and Creator, Jesus.
Sit somewhere quiet, maybe near your pool, and just 'be still, and know that God is God'. Let His peace flood you, His joy fill you and His love surround you.
Buy some roses or other smell good flowers and enjoy their beautiful scent.
Take walks somewhere peaceful, pack some snacks and water and enjoy the beauty you see.
Listen to the birds singing.
Enjoy the quiet while you can. Spend some time in the Psalms.
I pray that your Mom will have many more good days, and that she'll be able to keep her independence as long as possible for both of you.
Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady
Dear Cindy. It was so good to see your blog in my inbox this morning. The first thing I thought after reading your post was how much I wish I lived near you so that I could take you for a girl's day out. Short of that, please know that I would love to correspond with you as you have the time; my email is ajoyfulcottage@gmail.com. I agree with eveything my wise friend Lorraine wrote. My journaling is a bit different, as I write what I call "Letters to God" on my laptop. Years ago I opened a file in word and wrote my first letter. I just openly poured out all my thoughts and feelings to our Heavenly Father and then stopped, with the letter still open in front of me, and remained still. In that stillness He encouraged my heart. Scriptures would come to mind, confirmation of His love for me would surface, truths that He wanted me to know (sometimes things I needed to change or bad habits I needed to break), and I would write whatever I "heard" from Him. Always the letter ended with me thanking and praising Him for His guidance. Many letters have been added to that file since the first letter. I scroll down to the last letter, add a space, type in the day's date and then write. Now I can go back and see how much I've grown through those letters and how faithful God is. This method is what works for me. Next, I would encourage you to begin to address your nutrition. Don't go on a diet. Don't think about losing weight. Just begin to make healthy choices. Small steps toward changing the way you eat. I guarantee you that you will begin to feel better when you do this. The number one thing is eliminating as much sugar from your diet as you can manage. If you're used to eating sweets (as I was) at first it will be hard. But, again, small steps. Just cut back further and further until finally you're not interested in a big ol' fat slice of double chocolate cake and would rather have a juicy, crisp red apple. Slice it up and put it on a pretty plate. Savor every bite and notice the texture and "naturalness" of it. God has given us so many wonderful fruits and vegetables to enjoy and they're so very good for us. I could write volumes on this. At 68 years of age I am in very good health, take no prescription drugs and work a part-time job. I know much of this is because of my diet. Also, try to go for walks, as Lorraine mentioned. Studies have found that walking in nature can lead to a lower risk of depression. There are other things I could add, but what I've shared have been profoundly transformative in my life. I love you, my friend, and I'll be praying for you. Gentle hugs, Nancy
ReplyDeleteOh my, Cindy, you really have had a stressful year. I think I've said this to you before....you have to take care of yourself first. I pray to God you are on medication for your depression; but from the sound of things, either you are not or it's not the right one. Please seek that help first! Part of that self-care is finding a gym...far more beneficial than a pedicure or shopping. There are so many gym-options and cost varies; but taking care of your physical needs must be a priority. I totally agree with the person who suggested keeping a journal. Pen-to-paper can be such a stress-reliever; but you have to keep your journal close and let those thoughts that are muddying the waters of your mind and heart flow out onto the pages. Be completely honest about your feelings. You don't have to be nice or kind to anyone but yourself on those pages.
ReplyDeleteIt may sound harsh, but I pray you will not take on the care of your mom. At least not until you have taken care of yourself. Being a care-giver should not be your identity. So, PLEASE seek out some help for yourself before you try to give away any more of your "unhealthy" self to anyone else. It's not a selfish act but a kind one.
You are in my prayers, Cindy.
Carol
Good morning Cindy. With your lovely post you have opened up to have so many begin to let you know what worked for them and what they think will work for you.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is just to find out who you are. You know who you have been the caregiver, the wonderful wife, mother and grandmother, employee etc. Now you just need to stop and think about you. It will take some time to get to know you. You have been on a coarse of just doing what needed to be done. When we do this we forget who we are and what we need. That is a trap I have been in myself. So my only advice to you would be to try really hard to put yourself first for even a short time each day. Do this before you take on your role as caregiver. You will be surprised how taking only a short time out of your day to just be about you and what you want at that moment will lead to you feeling better. It will work better than any pill or diet plan will work. Instead of feeling depressed and hopeless that the life commitments are who you have become, you will see there is something more about yourself. It works. I have done this and it works. I know that while I have big commitments to family right now and being a major caregiver myself there is sometime in each day for me. Just about me and finding my joy. It will be hard at first because you have never stopped to think about just you. Give it a chance and try each day to do this. You will be amazed at what will happen when you do this just for you. I turned 60 this past April and I felt the same as you. I was sinking and needed to breathe. I wish I lived closer to take you out for a "mental" health day. If you ever come my way my front door is open. Do things that you would never in a million years think you could do for yourself. Life is short as you well know. Take full advantage of each day. Find Joy.
Hugs,
Prayers,
Love,
Kris
Cindy, I really want you to make an appointment and go see a doctor about your depression.
ReplyDeleteI just read what Carol wrote and she is so right.
This is the first time I have written to a blogger. I am concerned for you.
Hugs to you, Cindy
Oh Cindy.... I will be praying for you. I see so many awesome ideas and here are a few...a free makeover at a dept store, bubble baths, candles, flowers, walks, enjoy your pool, try a new perfume, yummy chocolate, go out with your girlfriends, read a good book, keep a journal and for sure go to a professional dr. Please email me your address dbrhgn@aol.com thank you. XO
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband died at age 56 in Nov 2012, I felt so alone and sad. We had been together since 1976 and I so missed him. I was alone. I had buts of depression. It took me 5 years to move on. I tried to keep from giving up by going on walks and hikes and places with my camera. When I had it I focused on the beauty all around me instead on my thoughts, and it helped me a lot. I started seeing all the beauty in each day and what God has given us. I began to embrace the memories instead of allowing them to sadden me. I went to church and began to enjoy being with others again. Now for the past year I have a relationship with a very nice man. I feel so alive again.
ReplyDeleteI do so encourage you to look at life through a lens. It takes the focus to good things. I also found that writing poetry helped me. I could express feelings, worries and all in my life. I could write of the good times as well as bad. It became beautiful. Another outlet was doing needlepoint. The concentration kept me focused. And something beautiful came from it.
I do hope you discover what will work for you. You are in my prayers.
My sweet and dear friend,
ReplyDeleteI have been MIA many months too - and I so seldom find myself with the time to read much and I so so so miss it and want to catch up....but your post stuck out and I must respond.
I am praying for you.
I am praying for courage, faith, peace, and inspiration for you.
I am praying for your mother, and for your children.....but mostly just for YOU. You are not alone.
My suggestions? GET that pedi! Get a massage - it promotes health and healing! Drink a lot of water to flush out the nasty stuff we tend to harbor inside. Try probiotics to bring back the good tummy enzymes - it's a life changer, at least for me. I no longer am craving salt and sugar nearly as much. (Write me and I can share more about that if you want to.)
And maybe get Neflix and watch some awesome series and movies. I have a great list. When is the last time you went to your local library? A good book can take us anywhere!
Is there a women's civic club in your area? Prayer group? Perhaps finding some new friends will fill a possible void in your days.
And - for whatever it is worth, you are always invited here to visit me. Write me if interested and I can ease your mind. ♥
Take care and God bless - and remember, getting older is a blessing. Reaching 60 is awesome. So many never do. Don't fret it, celebrate it - celebrate life and live it with passion.
Healing happy hugs. ♥♥♥
Cindy, as I read this I thought it might be ME you were describing. Being a caretaker is hard and then there is loss and depression. I can tell you that last Spring I could hardly get out of bed. I finally started some counselling and I can't tell you how much it has helped me. I'm trying to take better care of myself but that is a work in progress. I'm setting boundaries much better and finding strength in knowing God has this, it isn't all up to me. Please lets stay in touch as I go on this journey also and pray we both find ways to take better care of ourselves and find that Joy in life again.
ReplyDeleteOh Cindy, how I have MISSED YOU! I've missed you so much! I was very happy to see you back, my friend. Your post greatly touched my heart and oh, how I wish I lived nearby for I would surely give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteHow exciting that you are turning 60...you are such a beautiful lady, inside and out. Pamper yourself, dear one. Get manicures, pedicures, facials...go shopping, eat something you wouldn't eat often, read that book that you've been wanting to read. Take a trip to Colorado {{hint-hint}} and stay with a friend {me...seriously}. :) Smile, laugh, cry, and live life to its fullest. Lots of love to you!
I see your blog daily, it is crispy to study.
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