It was a purposeful choice to NOT
Pick a 2018 Word of The Year
I didn't want to focus on one area of growth
I just wanted God to lead my year
Looking back, I kind of wish I had chosen a word
It is possible my year would have unfolded differently
However, Because I know God
I believe it was HIS plan to have me
Pass on a word for this year
Had I known how the year would unravel
I may have set aside HIS plan
And set out on an adventure of my own choosing
Yet, and still, HIS plan prevailed
Today, I will share a timeline of what
Would have possibly been my 2018 Word
Since Letting Go is not a single word
I'd have to go with: RELEASE
The first inkling of change came on February 3rd
I packed up and moved my youngest son to a group home
At 32 it was time for him to experience life in a new way
It's been a challenge for both of us
However, we are 10 months in
I see him every weekend for dinner
And we are surviving
Change continued only 1 week later
When my oldest son moved to Texas
To start a new job
There goes another U-Haul
Sent away with HUGS
And tear~filled farewells
From mom, his wife and three daughters
March 31, 2018
The Shop "Tillie's Attic"
Where I enjoyed a fun business venture
And grew in my creative niche: Closed!!
It seemed, at the time, I was losing everything I loved
Until, of course, the next step of Letting Go
Literally took me to my knees
My son came back for his little family
Texas or Bust her sign reads
To Texas they went
Little did I know that I would follow
A day later to sign papers for the house I bought them
So happy I was able to see their new home
And give them all more great big {{{HUGS}}}
In August was my brothers family's turn to load a U-Haul
He had been working in Texas for nearly a year
Commuting every weekend
Although we hated to see them leave
His wife and kids were thrilled to finally
Be together again
Then came the surprise of all surprises
In October mom went to Texas for a little visit
She wanted to see the RV Park my brother's family purchased
And get a feel for where so many of our family members
Had ventured off to
Well, a week into her 'visit'
My sister and I received a call
We were NOT waiting for
Mom decided to Move to Texas
My sister and I spent the next couple of weeks
Cleaning and packing moms home
Putting it up for sale
And preparing her move
Her little place in now and the market
And on December 1st
Here belongings headed for Texas
I'm not over the leaving of my kids and grands
Now my brother, his family and my mom
Are all off on their own adventures
In the midst of all these transitions
We lost 2 wonderful family members
My mom's SIL - Aunt Loretta
My SIL's mom - Cora
We miss them terribly
And are sad to have lost them to eternity
Although, They are eternally Happy
This has been a year of letting go and sorrow
YET,
It is not over
What is, I believe and pray,
The final loss of 2018 is only weeks away
But already in progress
I've held this knowledge for nearly 2 years
I've been keeping a secret until the timing was right
Not my timing, of course
But the timing for the person whose
Decision will change my life
My boss, of nearly 12 years
Has sold her Pediatric Practice
Although I have known every step of the process
She has finally told the staff and patients
She is phasing out and the new owners will
Take over December 31, 2018
I will remain employed
My job will change
(honestly, I'm not positive what I will be doing)
My salary will decrease about 30%
My heart is breaking
I do have bouts of fear and depression
I'm 60 and don't quite know what to do
God is My Source
My Refuge
My Provision
My Peace
However, being a widow
With such a year of great loss and change
I'm, quite frankly, feeling overwhelmed
Many days I get home from work
Head straight to bed
Struggling to sleep
Forcing myself to get up in the morning
Only to do it all again
All the while, just wanting
To sleep it all away
I haven't even put out a Christmas Tree
Or one single decoration
Well, that's spill the beans
Those are just the major losses
For 2018
Can't even talk about daily life ~~~
I think I may just choose a Word for 2019
Hmmm...
What shall it be?
