This Year of Letting Go

It was a purposeful choice to NOT

Pick a 2018 Word of The Year

I didn't want to focus on one area of growth

I just wanted God to lead my year

Looking back, I kind of wish I had chosen a word

It is possible my year would have unfolded differently

However, Because I know God

I believe it was HIS plan to have me 
Pass on a word for this year

Had I known how the year would unravel

I may have set aside HIS plan

And set out on an adventure of my own choosing

Yet, and still, HIS plan prevailed 

Today, I will share a timeline of what 

Would have possibly been my 2018 Word

Since Letting Go is not a single word

I'd have to go with:  RELEASE

The first inkling of change came on February 3rd

I packed up and moved my youngest son to a group home

At 32 it was time for him to experience life in a new way

It's been a challenge for both of us

However, we are 10 months in

I see him every weekend for dinner

And we are surviving

Change continued only 1 week later

When my oldest son moved to Texas

To start a new job

There goes another U-Haul
Sent away with HUGS

And tear~filled farewells

From mom, his wife and three daughters

March 31, 2018

The Shop "Tillie's Attic"

Where I enjoyed a fun business venture

And grew in my creative niche: Closed!!

It seemed, at the time, I was losing everything I loved

Until, of course, the next step of Letting Go 

Literally took me to my knees

My son came back for his little family
Texas or Bust her sign reads 
To Texas they went

Little did I know that I would follow
A day later to sign papers for the house I bought them
So happy I was able to see their new home
And give them all more great big {{{HUGS}}}

In August was my brothers family's turn to load a U-Haul
He had been working in Texas for nearly a year
Commuting every weekend
Although we hated to see them leave
His wife and kids were thrilled to finally 
Be together again

Then came the surprise of all surprises
In October mom went to Texas for a little visit
She wanted to see the RV Park my brother's family purchased
And get a feel for where so many of our family members
Had ventured off to

Well, a week into her 'visit' 
My sister and I received a call 
We were NOT waiting for
Mom decided to Move to Texas

My sister and I spent the next couple of weeks
Cleaning and packing moms home
Putting it up for sale 
And preparing her move

Her little place in now and the market

And on December 1st
Here belongings headed for Texas

I'm not over the leaving of my kids and grands
Now my brother, his family and my mom
Are all off on their own adventures

In the midst of all these transitions
We lost 2 wonderful family members
My mom's SIL - Aunt Loretta
My SIL's mom - Cora
We miss them terribly
And are sad to have lost them to eternity
Although, They are eternally Happy

This has been a year of letting go and sorrow
YET,
It is not over

What is, I believe and pray,
The final loss of 2018 is only weeks away
But already in progress

I've held this knowledge for nearly 2 years
I've been keeping a secret until the timing was right
Not my timing, of course
But the timing for the person whose 
Decision will change my life

My boss, of nearly 12 years
Has sold her Pediatric Practice
Although I have known every step of the process
She has finally told the staff and patients
She is phasing out and the new owners will 
Take over December 31, 2018

I will remain employed
My job will change
(honestly, I'm not positive what I will be doing)
My salary will decrease about 30%
My heart is breaking
I do have bouts of fear and depression
I'm 60 and don't quite know what to do

God is My Source
My Refuge
My Provision
My Peace

However, being a widow 
With such a year of great loss and change
I'm, quite frankly, feeling overwhelmed

Many days I get home from work
Head straight to bed
Struggling to sleep
Forcing myself to get up in the morning
Only to do it all again
All the while, just wanting
To sleep it all away

I haven't even put out a Christmas Tree
Or one single decoration 

Well, that's spill the beans
Those are just the major losses 
For 2018
Can't even talk about daily life ~~~

I think I may just choose a Word for 2019
Hmmm...
What shall it be?